I was wandering through the wonderful world of Pinterest – which, let’s be honest, I do less pinning than I do re-pinning, because who has time to find their own goodies when you can go to one spot and steal everyone else’s good ideas? I was looking through the copious amounts of crafts, decorations, clothes, design ideas, color palettes and recipes of strangers, and I realized how much of my interests and what I am drawn to has changed in just the last six months.
Six months ago I would have swooned over this:
and my favorite colors were white, cream, powder pink, nude…yeah. BRIDAL. I was still in college! Working full-time and going to school full-time, getting ready for seven weddings including my own, secretly sneaking my belongings to our new house lest anyone discover our plans to elope, planting my very first garden, having too good a time to deal with any of what was actually going on around me.
Six months later, and I re-pin things like this:
Cozy, comfy, warm, HOMELY. My tastes have already aged me at least ten years! But those are just the outward, materialistic ways life shifts on us without us even knowing, until we get a second to breathe and take a look at our life. I trick myself into thinking I am so much more grown up now, caring about my career, cleaning, cooking, budgeting, laundry, loving my husband, and those other “adult” things.
Really, I am just trading in old idols for new ones. I am obsessed with my own comfort, with how my husband might grade my performance as a wife, with how well others perceive that I am coping with my brand new life. Totally comfort and performance driven, forsaking honesty and repentance and a child-like faith. But praise the Lord for marriage and a steady husband, for solitude, for depression, for a miserable job, for hardship in relationships, for a few honest friends, and for all of these things that force me to reckon with the fact that the Shepherd has led me into a valley, but I am still on the path.